trace

disorganised, chaotic ramblings

It's a cold night and there's a crowd, all gathered by this river.

I puff up my jacket, put my hands in the pockets and start walking towards the riverside, finding a spot between everyone to watch as fireworks start going off.

You can see the reflection strewn across the water, everything glistens, everything is bright and I'm looking up in awe as huge pops of colour and light appear in front of me.

It's beautiful.

But then I spot beside me, a family, and there's this kid. He's standing there at the back of the group, staring at me, crying. His family are all smiling, watching the fireworks, none of them notice him.

I stare back, confused.

"Why is this kid crying? Why is he staring at me?"

I try to shake it off, "it's sad but it's not my problem, right?" and I look back at the fireworks, but there's this nagging feeling in my head.

I turn to face him, and everyone else has disappeared, it's just me and him against a background of huge fireworks, each one lighting up his face in different colours and shining against the trail his tears are leaving. He's just standing there alone, cold and crying.


I think the kid is me...


Listen
XXIII.IV.MMXXIV
013
Lost With You - Patrick Watson

There's a hundred cigarettes on the ground,
And our clothes are still hanging around,
And it's nice to be ugly in each other's arms,
So we can grow over all the things we were before.

Listen
XX.IV.MMXXIV
012
yours
XVI.III.MMXXIV
011
MV0104
IX.III.MMXXIV
010

It's raining now, as we head outside. I mutter "a little rain never hurt anyone" and you agree, slowly making our way towards the river. What's left of the sun falls below the horizon as the streetlights flicker themselves awake. The air is so fresh, I take a moment to fill my lungs and watch as you walk ahead a little. I don't see anything else - just you.

We approach the hill, slowly spiralling our way upwards. I have so much to say but just can't find the words, so I don't say much at all, and then we reach the top. It's beautiful. You can see for miles, the way the lights from the buildings reflect off the river, reflect off the rain, reflect off your lips... god your lips...

I need to tell you... should I tell you? I shouldn't tell you. I couldn't possibly, right? That would be too much... Do you feel it too? No, surely not.

But then you start talking, stumbling over your words a little. I think I understand what you're trying to say but I need to be sure, so I just ask "are you saying there's chemistry between us?"

Fireworks... that's when I knew.
XXVII.II.MMXXIV
009
1
23